


forever yours

by theoreticlove



Category: The Silmarillion and other histories of Middle-Earth - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: AU: Fëanor Swaps Places With Maglor To Let His Sons And Wife Be Together, F/M, In The End Fëanáro Loves His Wife, Letters, no happy ending, sad fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-17
Updated: 2019-07-17
Packaged: 2020-06-30 05:38:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 718
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19846726
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theoreticlove/pseuds/theoreticlove
Summary: fëanáro writes his first and last letter to nerdanel





	forever yours

**Author's Note:**

> fëanor swaps places with maglor, so the rest of his family may be together. he writes a letter to nerdanel shortly after he arrives

Nerdanel,

My wife, my love, my life. I wish I could have seen you again, before I left to swap places with Makalaurë, here in Arda. There are so many things I would have said. I had speeches planned, grandiose and eloquent. I do not think, now, that they would have had much effect. I do not know what I would say, now, if the opportunity arose. No, I do. I would say: I love you. That is all there is. I cannot ask for your forgiveness. I do not deserve it. But I would like you to know that my heart still belongs to you, no matter where I am. It will never stop belonging to you. 

When I arrived in Arda, I met an elf, the son of the king of... oh, I do not know if it was Mirkwood or Greenwood. It seems to vary. Travelling with him was by a very short person, I believe he is called a dwarf. But they were very kind. This dwarf man, he spoke of craftsmanship and we soon found something in common. He mentioned an elven smith named Celebrimbor, from days of old, and, noting my age, inquired as to whether I knew him. I told him I was unaccustomed to sindarin names, and wondered if he had a Quenya name. The elf said Telperinquar. Imagine my surprise! And also, my pride. Little Tyelpë, all grown up, now a legend and a source of inspiration to so many. I could not be prouder of my only grandson. Only I suppose he is not my only grandson. Makalaurë, before he left, told me of his kidnap children, Elrond and Elros. Apparently, they consider(ed, depending on which one) him a father figure. Technically, this makes me a grandfather figure. Or so I am choosing to believe. But little Tyelpë is my favourite. He made some lovely gates, for a dwarven stronghold. I mean to go find them, to admire his craftsmanship. 

There are a great deal of places I would like to see, in all honesty. None will ever compare to seeing home again, the house you and I built when we were first married. The house we raised our children in. I can still picture it in my mind. I remember, when we first lived in it, dancing in the dining room, your hand in my hand. And after Nelyo was born, and we would dance with him in between our chests, and later, Moryo would cling to your ankles. And then when they were grown, when Tyelko and Kano successfully replaced me as your dance partner. How I miss those times, before everything. 

Alas! After I visit Moria, which is apparently the site of Tyelpë’s craftsmanship, I believe I will head north. I am told that part of Himring, where Nelyo lived for a time, is still standing, even now when the fashion of the world has changed. I wonder if there are any remnants of what his life there was like. I hear it is cold. I hope he made sure to keep his home insulated. He is with you now, I imagine, and still here I am worrying for his health in ages long passed. 

I feel guilty, Nerdanel. Guilty for all I have done to them. The Oath I made them swear is my greatest mistake and my biggest regret. I hope that, by being here, I can attempt to atone for my sins. But I suppose it does not matter what I do, because what I have done cannot be so easily forgotten.

I hope you and our sons are well. Pass my love to all of them, and- while this may sound strange, pass it to my siblings, if you would. I have much to atone for in regards to them, as well.

This will likely be my first and last letter, as I have no other means of getting one to you than by Círdan, and he shall not be returning. I cannot convey all I long to say to you, but I hope you are happy. I hope you live the rest of your life at peace, with the boys, with your family, with whoever makes you feel at peace, really.

I love you, Nerdanel.

Forever yours,  
Curufinwë Fëanáro


End file.
